Overwhelmed

Okay, I am just venting to myself and typing is a nice way for me to release my stress and frustration with my own self. I have been selfish and unfair to my family for the past couple of months. I have been putting myself in a position where I work so many hours during the week, where Sean is coming home early three times a week to watch the kids, so I can go into work... Really I have been self involved! The kids, my poor kids have been dealing with my nonsense and complete chaotic schedule for the past couple of months. I have been tense, stressed and am finally giving up my crazy schedule to spend more quality time with my family. I am going to get myself a more manageable schedule and only work a few hours a week. Instead of working nearly a part time schedule that is scattered all over the place. Also, I am going to stop doing so many favors for people because people never seem to return the favors to me and kind of take me for granted. I am one of those people that has a hard time saying "No" but when it comes time for me to ask a person for a favor they don't seem willing, or eager to help me. So I have decided to say "No" more often because in the end it will be more healthy for my family and I. I guess what started all this craziness was me wanting to feel more self-reliant on myself and to have a life besides being a stay at home mom. I mean for all you mom's out there I am sure you know what it feels like to stay at home all the time and want to lead some other kind of life. Well I kind of tried to be in two places at once to often and it burdened me and my family. I love my kids and husband and I want to be a wife and mom who is there for them and someone they can rely on. Over the weekend I was able to go stay with my sister in Idaho for a night and two days and when I came home my husband told me that he could not be a mom. Really woman are meant to be the nurturers and not the provider, because men obviously don't have what it takes all the time to stay at home with kids and be a mom. Don't get me wrong I know in today's society that both husband and wife have to work in some families just to make ends meet. Plus there are some Men out there that are great and can stay at home and take care of kids, but if I had to trade it around I feel like I could be the provider and my husband could be the nurturer of the family, because it is not easy to be a mom. We moms put up with a lot constantly and for all you mothers out there try and stay strong for your kids and husband. I could just be a stay at home mom, but I choose not to because I feel I need to have a balance in my life and if working just a couple of hours a weeks helps me do that, then that is what I am going to do. I am so thrilled to cut my hours back, it will be nice to lift that burden from my life. Anyways, if you read this far into my overwhelming nonsense I appreciate your putting up with my venting. My goal for this next week is to cut my hours back to two nights a week and one morning a week. Instead of three evenings a week, sometimes four and two mornings..... Plus I am going to make my husband dinner to come home to all of next week. He will be thrilled. Oh did I mention I think I might have a stress fracture in my ankle from jogging the other day. I am going into the doctor this week to find out, because my ankle keeps on bothering me and I am praying that it is not a stress fracture. If it is there is always a possibility that someone with a stress fracture has to have surgery to resolve it. I hope none of that is the case. .......